Two seemingly random things but they are connected to me, in my head…
The theme of this past Tuesday’s BSF lecture was “Jesus, Lord over everything, a wonderful but inconvenient truth”. It’s a wonderful truth to know that the Lord is sovereign. It’s wonderful because on those days where I have no idea what I’m doing or why I’m in a certain situation, I still know that God has a reason and a plan. His plans are good, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment, and I can trust that in the end, everything will be okay because I’ll be where God wants me to be. But, stop right there. That’s where it can become an inconvenient truth. Following Jesus means inconveniencing myself. Where God wants me to be, even if it’s good for me, may not be where I want to be. “I don’t have the time for this”, “I’m not made for this”, “I don’t know what to do” - these are the constant excuses I have for, well,… everything. Lord over everything means He is Lord over me. Do I allow him to be my Lord over every part of my life? To be honest, no. It’s hard to let go of my own plans and desires, and be content with where God takes me. It’s scary!! But I guess it’s scarier to do things on my own than to allow God to take reign. At least when God takes the reign, I know the end result will be good, whether it’s what I wanted or not.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about our future marriage. And then I went to BSF this past Tuesday and listened to that lecture. I’ve had hopes and dreams of what my future wedding and marriage will look like since I was a little girl. God has worked on me the recent months though to let go of my own desires in regards to wedding details. All I truly care about now is marrying the love of my life that God has SO graciously provided me. And I’ve envisioned this perfect marriage as a little girl. But the truth is, I really don’t know what will happen when we get married. It’s a little scary to think about how our sin nature constantly wants to be selfish but the whole point of marriage is to be unselfish. I’m scared I won’t be considerate and selfless enough. In these next 9 months, I want God to teach me to how to be a godly wife. I want to be ready to serve and love unconditionally. I want him to be Lord over me, in all parts of my life - marriage-planning, school, ministry, etc. I know that most of the time, I don’t want it enough because I’ve found other things to distract me.
It’s a commonly used bible passage but Matthew 6:25-34 is what I thought of after writing this short (but long) blurb.
"But seek first his kingdom and his rigtheousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."